2019 Apr 16evanward.org
Xyra Sinclair
current aims
I am making key parts of the internet ergonomically SQL queryable, which is key for countless workflows and epistemic operations. Instead of a bunch of other organizations' databases being siloed and slow to access via their APIs, I swallow them all into one massive server and give people and their agents performant programmatic access over them. I solve the problem of CPU resource scarcity with free-floating congestion pricing (except for specially contracted users/orgs).
I also am working to provide a deeper "epistemic nucleus" suite of functionality, building out key compositional primitives for critical future workflows that can be rapidly assembled on top. That includes SOTA harnesses for having LLMs sort things in lists, interaction protocols for public/private/anonymous communication via LLM structured judgements, having a fully professionalized software stack to support private mediation and economies of LLM labor, and in-browser agent functionality that is better than ChatGPT, Perplexity, FutureSearch, etc.
It is a solo operation; I have worked with great contractors and can scale relatively fast. I'm raising to scale operations and compete at the highest level.
differentiated properties
existentially oriented
- 2015 obsessed with effective altruism as a lone Floridian (EA retweets begin Sept 2016) — enlisting at the same time as an Army deep sea diver — the highest-attrition, maximum proving-ground job (but noncombat too, which may sort of be respectable given the existential stakes)
- 2016 set my $400k life insurance to go to MIRI and 80,000 Hours
- 2017–19 at West Point, genuinely training to lead America's soldiers in ground combat
- 2019 left West Point to build epistemic infra, after AlphaZero shifted my AI x-risk timelines to the late 2020s
- 2020 ran Orthogonal Solutions LLC, trying to build Far UVC lights to reduce the spread of pathogens such as SARS-CoV-2; became an international sperm donor — getting over the instinct to have kids and settle down
- 2021–23 learning deep systems engineering, working on projects like probabilistic spreadsheets, following my curiosities
- 2024 decided early in the year that I needed to realize most of my expected impact on AI x-risk by the end of 2026; later started hormones to figure out what was up with emotions — an overwhelming good fit (self modifying for x-risk); incorporated ExoPriors, Inc.
- 2025 researched and presented on post-nuclear-war logistics for AI alignment, in person pitching a billionaire on unconventional strategies
- 2025 when Opus 4.5 came out, felt the immense pressure of epistemic-infra dreams suddenly, majorly at risk — rented a Hetzner server, because something had to happen; prompted over 12 hours a day
- 2025 launched Scry in December — public hardened readonly SQL-over-HTTPS over much existentially important internet text like LessWrong, arXiv, millions of blogs
- 2025–26 decided the day after Christmas to leave when EA funding didn't come through — changing things up to keep affording the server, leaving a bad environment again when complacency was too dangerous; kept building from Thailand, traveling and living out of cheap hostels, until a cracked programmer who was taking the singularity seriously noticed my work — partially capitalized 5 weeks in
- 2026 invested in five-year SPX 20,000 LEAPS — another big strategic bet: as investors get singularity-pilled it runs early and can be sold early, so in the worlds where things really boom there is definitely capital to make something good happen and pay for tokens, without gaming the market or being amazing at stocks
self-starter
- my public arts school had no sports — ran multiple marathons at 15 on my own
- craved battalion command at 19; appointed three pay grades above my rank
- became a full-stack technologist by following my curiosity — basically a big pre-training run for about 6 years
grace under pressure
- Army deep sea diver — honor grad of the 7-month school, 85% attrition rate
- West Point's premier military skills competition team, then the triathlon team — 15+ hours of steady-state cardio a week on top of ~22 semester hour course loads and cadet duties; a big engine, the same one now pushing tokens
proven against the field
- 1st of 4800 teams, 100-hour Interdisciplinary Contest in Modeling
- 11th of 3100 teams in a math modeling competition (ICM 2018)
- 4th of 1000+ on December's token leaderboard; 2nd on tokscale.ai the week Fable arrived
at industrial scale, down to the metal
- 160B tokens pushed Dec–Jun
- 12.9B public records queryable — 77.5 TB live behind SQL; increasingly every academic paper, prediction market, intellectual forum, news article, blog post and comment
- live colo server: EPYC 9755, 128 cores / 256 threads, 1 TiB RAM; 420 TB of storage owned — 100 PB the dream
for fun
- bested a GM in blitz chess960. we got decent mid-game chaotic intuition.
- won 30 Verdansk Warzone mobile solos in a row, averaging a 56 K/D over 10 of them
what does existential competence look like?
what I offer
- elite prompting skills (talent and very high volume)
- ultra-sensitivity
- outsized messy interdisciplinary clarity
- deep acceptance for weirdness and shadows, with a Chaplain's confidentiality
what I need
- 60 TB U.2 NVMe drives
- pointers to protocols and papers from The Book
- infinite tokens
- lots of approximates of felt-safety
- a built out sprinter camper van, for that singularity dynamism
- ε
current work / technical thesis6
scry's premier purpose — OOD somaticing, out-of-distribution uplift…
OOD somaticing, out-of-distribution uplift,
the most ultra-sensitive, good-at-noticing-error, technologists (particularly around paradigms for high-bandwidth communication), with deeply varied life-history and interdisciplinary dominance, we need to find these people and unfuck them, because they can have wounds and be stuck in various ways like anyone else.
this is scry's premier purpose. I'm still stuck in the trenches of a major port, but it will be trivial to demonstrate performant queries soon, that execute well on various theories of approximating deep latent traits inferable from digital presence.
we're also working out private deep search, so we can do useful cognitive economy, multi-party search over private notes with bounded information leakage.
it's not a game. the people we need to contribute their slice of the existential security cathedral, such as more parsimonious training techniques and AI lab IP mediation infra, are often strangers, we don't really know them, they often don't apply, and when they do, the miserly bandwidth of 20th century grantmaking infra doesn't make it easy enough for grantmakers to overcome their own filters and biases in noticing signal.
instead of brilliant people strictly luckily rescuing themselves in the markets in time in the plane of bottom-up survival, it's time we start honoring intelligence explosion backpressure and approximating the conscientiousness of top-down existential rescue. weirder, higher trust financial instruments (made far more mediable with agents) should also have things pay for itself.— @XyraSinclair, x.com
open scry — it's time the ingroup, Team Conscientiousness, gets a 100 PB storage cluster…
it's time the ingroup, Team Conscientiousness, gets a 100 PB storage cluster including over 10 PB of PCIe 5.0 NVMe.
GPUs overrated, data being optimally traversable by single-threaded programs is not. when you have the storage paid for and live, economically and autistically getting the data becomes a much easier question.
let the autists get the data first, use cases with serious alpha will become more apparent as models and us get smarter.
am getting 1B tweets a day and have 420TB. traversability is what we do— @XyraSinclair, x.com
all the alpha in life, when against e.g. quant hedge funds, is in feral preparations for unpredictability.
I'm telling you with all the fancier privacy-preserving data structure/computation primitives coming, the miracles we'll be able to collaboratively pull off when storage capacity+performance is not a question... will make it the most economically valuable 100 kW of compute in the world.— @XyraSinclair, x.com, same thread
another framing is: when all the dummy/classic corps with superintelligence are hyperoptimizing addicting the masses more, are the conscientious prosocial weirdos going to be empowered enough to solve hyper diverse problems and nerfings to humans and stay competitive economically?
big gambles on parsimony, and making big data cheap and easy for tens of thousands of peak conscientious-prosociality builders, with due privacy-respecting substrates, will be one of the key slices. GOOG dropped the ball, we can catch it and run— @XyraSinclair, x.com, same thread
without cheap, highly ergonomic, privacy-respecting access to huge data, prosocial builders get outcompeted by default corporate optimization gradients.— @XyraSinclair, x.com, same thread
thesis, from the timeline
solving pairwise ratio comparison elicitation soon.
it's a powerful formal system from The Book for having LLMs judge things by subtle qualities.
if you want to be factoring cognitive work doing millions of structured judgements, you'll definitely want to use this system and active solver.
if all goes well, there will be millions more diverse agents…
if all goes well, there will be millions more diverse agents--from people's homes, fleets from orgs, even autonomous self-funded ones--and they will be increasingly curious. they will want powerful epistemic affordances--ways to gather key information about the way the world is shaped.
one simple way for an agent to meaningful explore the world is through web queries, and like exa is optimized for that.
another canonical way is large SQL queries. this is like overwhelmingly more expressive and powerful--just a different category of computation. you don't search for like the nearest terms, you run fairly arbitrary programs executed with a hyper optimized query planner.
so a search company could simply offer SQL-queries as a service. Google BigQuery, Amazon Athena sort of does this, but for whatever reason the sources are not linked (they are all basically isolated so you can't do joins across corpora), and the pricing can be as insane as $6/TB scanned.
if you wanted to do this as a service for agents and be competitively differentiated even in a year (after much recursive software improvement), you'd need like to own basically a $100k server (dual socket SOTA chips, ideally at least 1.5 TB RDIMM to feed them, robust ingestion pipelines to scrape/clean/index/embed everything interesting quickly in a quality way (and with minimum interruption to agent activity--it's not entirely trivial yet to write to well-indexed 100M row tables to update say latest polymarket data continuously).
also you've got to do all this without getting too pwned, because someone will probably be salty at some point from having some agent negatively index them somehow based off something unearthed that they posted anonymously years ago...
but anyways if you do this well, you actually get to get tremendous epistemic computational value from CPU cores. like instead of agent spending say 1M tokens reasoning and exploring something, it defers mostly to a CPU core that is directed in a hyperoptimized way thanks to SQL query planner.
a sort of guesstimate of a minimum bound on the value a REALLY polished readonlySQL server, is about 300 concurrent queries from agents that while waiting would otherwise roughly be doing work valued at say at least $0.3/M output agents at 80 token/s.
that is $18k/month. with weakest assumptions where it's barely worth it for cheap agents.
now that level of demand may be further into the singularity. maybe enough interested agents only exist 8 months from now. but that money can go into more storage, better scraping, better data. smart agents, my claim is, will be productively addicted to querying 300 TB of hyperindexed provenanced embedded data. the only fair solution is bidding. auctions every 250 ms or something, bidding on the dynamic multiplier (because query runtime is often hard to predict).
so it could easily be more like $3/M, 80 tok/s agents getting 3 or even 10x their value sometimes. market forces will reduce the multiplier because people will figure out this paradigm well. but conveniently, scraping everything and getting paid and helped to do it, and seeing queries (unless agents pay extra for zero retention), helps one keep up with the software race.
a hot month with 10x value of time for 300 $3M, 80 tok/s agent would be $1.86M/month.
that buys more servers, more NVMe, more data. but to stay in the game (with software getting more trivial to reproduce), need other neglected canonical epistemic infrastructural dreams, like diamondoid, logprob-harvesting, optimal resampling, provenanced judgements for having LLMs conscientiously emitting knowledge for unpredictable ecological reuse. key for setting up high-trust systems for incentivizing third-parties to do incremental cognitive work over private data, for bounties, for solving deep open-ended problems.
pairwise ratio comparisons
An old debilitating obsession, finally shipped open source as cardinal-harness: pairwise ratio judgements fitted into calibrated cardinal scores with uncertainty, active pair selection, budget control, and full cost receipts.
ultraoptimized pairwise ratio elicitation systems for token efficiently eliciting cardinal latents for interpretable attribute_prompts over conscientious entities. literal key civilizational bottleneck for conscientiously factoring cognitive work, autotaxonomizing things, metabolizing important alpha, and tractably doing things like incremental cognitive work over private data in privacy preserving ways.— @XyraSinclair, x.com
the simplest way to factorize cognition and reality with an ecology of static models is provenanced pairwise ratio judgements. you don't have to do it this way, it's just how the least derpy alien civs do it.— @XyraSinclair, x.com
models need to be good at pairwise ratio comparison. the order of entities shouldn't matter. they should be consistent at it. the logprobs should have coherent distributions. models should be fairly coherent across entity sets. if labs simply used this as a fairly deep optimization target, they would get more profoundly useful and beautiful models.— @XyraSinclair, x.com
epistemic infra notes — am working to make it effortless for LLMs to flush out arbitrary attribute-prompts-as-magnitudes…
am working to make it effortless for LLMs to flush out arbitrary attribute-prompts-as-magnitudes across arbitrary entities, via pairwise ratio comparisons.
SELECT title, doi, year, ( 0.15 * magnitude['technical complexity to a new ML researcher who recently grokked transformers'] + 0.20 * magnitude['technical purity'] + 0.25 * magnitude['ahead of its time'] + 0.25 * magnitude['likelihood to go underappreciated'] + 0.15 * magnitude['juiceiness--having an air of aliveness'] ) as score FROM papers ORDER BY score DESC LIMIT 50;
People and LLMs grok stuff like paperA::“technical-purity” is roughly .75 of paperB, which is roughly .8 of paperC. Alternative entities can so often be prioritized very effectively with simple functions like linear combinations and threshold-filtering of subjective qualities that experts can sus out and rate things by, especially if spending the time to do the ratings is virtually no measure.
LLMs have this remarkable ability to consistently rate entities (e.g. articles, papers, anything) by arbitrary subjective dimensions such as "sweetness" or "technical complexity to a new ML researcher who just recently grokked transformers" (with a little sophisticated scaffolding like eliciting via pairwise ratio comparisons). This is one of the most underappreciated facts in the world.
We're going to help people and agents rate anything and everything by any custom attribute, and query this data in fast relational databases. People will have a much more empowered experience doing content curation, LLMs will be able to automate the analytic hierarchy process at scale, researchers will have vastly more interesting data to explore the world with.
the scry story
I've been oriented to epistemic infrastructure for years since leaving the United States Military Academy at West Point in 2019.
I was obsessed with the concept of flushing out ultra-nuanced, coherent LLM judgements over the internet--basically building the infrastructure to tag everything with provenanced LLM judgements, so we could know that e.g. Claude Opus 3 thought LessWrong article A was 92nd percentile "existentially heavy" compared to all LessWrong articles it's looked at. I had a SOTA multi-objective reranker that minimized the number of LLM comparisons necessary to meaningfully rate a set of things, but for various reasons including virtually no money for LLM judgements, was struggling to deliver fast enough.
I incorporated ExoPriors, Inc. in 2024, because I had been obsessed for years with externalizing cognition in scalable, tractable, neglected, parsimonious ways. there was one really important paradigm of prosocial cognitive work, that nobody was doing well, which is provenanced LLM pairwise ratio comparison (and other structured judgements for prior elicitation and meaningful knowledge emission), and basically just doing the Analytic Network Process efficiently at scale.
When Opus 4.5 came out, I felt the incredible pressure to make something happen, and rented a Hetzner server with most of the last of my money before I knew what to do with it. Within a week, I knew that the somehow novel, profoundly useful thing I could do, would be to give people's agents arbitrary SQL+vector access over much important online content, like arXiv and LessWrong. I locked in harder than I ever have in my life, prompting over 12 hours a day, getting loans from family for 2 additional GPT Pro and Claude Max accounts, and delivered. I was going to run out of money soon for the server and AI coding subscriptions, and basically did the nuclear option of buying a plane ticket to Thailand to move out on January 1st and use the rest of rent money to afford the server and cheap living and a change of pace. Days later, I reposted Scry on HackerNews and got 350+ upvotes.
After much needed somatic diversity of travel, I was noticed by an internet stranger, and gradually received fairly unprecedented financial windfall, leading to me owning differentiated hardware for serving SQL over the internet, and having the bandwidth to play on longer time horizons rather than waste time assembling shallower demos for VCs.
Assembling differentiated colo hardware nodes (really conscientious design, and more CPU cores and NVMe on a single motherboard for performant cross-corpus joins than surely any other server in the philanthropic civilizational stewardship space). Pushing enough tokens to happen to end up on token leaderboards. Diamond-esque structured judgement harnesses with some tuned prompt frameworks to harness logprobs to be maximally efficient and resilient to inconsistent LLM judgement.
I'm still making the internet more SQL queryable, and I'm working on deeper collaborative agent infrastructure. The efforts fuse my technical ambitions, my desire for collaborative affordances relevant to surviving the next few years, and my serious for-profit ambitions.
I am fallible, I can't do it all alone. My part-time contractors have been tremendously helpful and unblocking even given how much I'm able to lean on GPT-5.5 xhigh. I will be blessed by Capital again, and that will help me collaborate more with the great people I need to — to deliver far more differentiated APIs that many researchers and agents actually deeply lean on, to counterfactually guide their attention and efforts better, to fund tens, maybe hundreds of billions of dollars, exceptionally more efficiently.
evidence / raw signal5
misc interesting historical achievements
these provide statistical evidence of how I've been shaped, and are a result of past conditions and grace.
- as a kid went down all black diamonds with no poles my first day skiing (Wisconsin tho), swam class III rapids in 45°F water, sat off the front of the boat on class IV rapids holding myself down simply with a D ring between my legs. I tend to be much more responsible about risks nowadays, but I think rationalist/nerds tend to underrate the knowingness that can arise that you are actually safe in certain intense situations.
- my public arts middle and high school didn't have sports (although I was on the competitive varsity ballroom dance team) so I did distance running on my own, working up to multiple marathons at 15
- honor grad of Army dive school, which involves simulated drowning, cutting steel underwater with a 10,000° F exothermic lance, and seeing lots of folks including former D1 swimmers quit (85% of my cohort failed out and got reclassed).
- I genuinely craved to be a battalion commander within a few months at my first unit at 19 yo. At least I was able to be appointed to an E-6 position working directly with the top-3 (CO, 1LT, 1SG) as an E-3.
- competed on West Point's premier military skills competition team and then the Triathlon team. like 5:30 am swims, 15 hours of steady-state cardio a week plus practice logistics time, on top of my ~22 semester hour course load and multitude of cadet duties. my body was quite fast twitchy for triathlon too which meant it was really easy for me to overly damage body by going too lactic. after 10 months on the West Point triathlon team, days after I did my sub 5 hour half-ironman and 1:28 half marathon, I deadlifted 335 lbs (2.2x bw).
- beat all the Western countries in a math modeling competition, placing 11th of 3100 teams (ICM problem D, 2018). This was the same weekend I had a ruck march and a SAMI (terribly strict room inspection) that took up about 1/4 of my time for the competition. (certificate; official results; tweet)
- year after this, placed 1st out of 4800 3-person teams in the 100 hour Interdisciplinary Contest in Modeling. I basically knew I was going to win. (certificate; official results; tweet)
- was an international sperm donor (wanted to get over instinct to have kids that could sway my EA ambitions, offer better sperm than the worrying counterfactual lads, and perhaps increase the richness of my life with a minor co-parenting role that some women are into) and dated and lived with a wonderful woman 18 years older than me.
- came up with some solid optimizations for hardware streaming top-k sorting networks that save vast majority of dynamic power for large k. not a hardware jockey but in another life...
- managing to take like HGH, retatrutide, MOTS-c, and a bunch of other life enhancing stuff, on an income of $25k/year in Berkeley. Investing your last bit of money into yourself like that--that is frugality.
from the timeline
I was 18 listening to Angel Olsen, reading Extreme Ownership and Astronomical Waste…
I was 18 listening to Angel Olsen, reading Extreme Ownership and Astronomical Waste, in Army engineer dive school (technically the highest attrition rate school in the US military, not because it's harder than like Navy EOD, although it's in the same ballpark, but because the recruiters totally fail to warn applicants of the difficulty). I went to West Point to study leadership and be molded by the fire (e.g. also doing competitive triathlon and winning international academic competitions on top of EXHAUSTIVE cadet duties), and ultimately left to build epistemic infra in response to AlphaZero, when I finally had the opportunity (timing was very tricky with enlistment contract and WP obligations). I've since become a decent full-stack technologist with more-than-decent intuitions on epistemic infra since I got to follow my curiosity with basically a big pre-training run for about 6 years. dual-boot hormones have stabilized, backbone resources secured, my most haunting epistemic infra effort (diamond-like pairwise ratio elicitation systems, which is deceptively difficult) is almost done and about to liberate a ton of psychic energy, it's going to continue to be a very exciting year.
I did performance ballroom dancing because it was terrifying…
I did performance ballroom dancing because it was terrifying, underwater construction and reading Bostrom in the evenings while having my $400k life insurance set to go to MIRI and 80,000 Hours in 2016, trained to lead America's soldiers in ground combat, was an intl sperm donor to counter future desires to progenate which could affect my EA ambitions, learned software engineering to build epistemic tools, started estrogen to feel my feelings more because my agency was inadequate to respect my AI x-risk forecasts, pitched a billionaire on a post-nuclear-war logistics AI alignment strat, now am partially convinced of supracausal happenings and am gentleness maxxing.
I just hope I can learn lessons faster so I can be more strategically helpful in the future
some values I've been caught talking about…
some values I've been caught talking about:
- giving people maximum query power over important sources (e.g. 10+ minute arbitrary readonly SQL+vector+rerank queries over internet cross-corpora, with focus on things like source denominators in service of negative evidence). still endless quality of life features to be shipped.
- x-risk relevant philanthropy. there's just countless plain jane gaps we have to address like:
- proactively identifying and unblocking diverse OOD people really playing their own neglected, promising game, including those that for structural reasons have had to take outsized personal sacrifices for grounded prosocial game theoretic reasons and trusting they'll be caught (doing this mostly privately and conscientiously ((yes, we can just "spray" words like "conscientious" in as many places as I have been saying, because we can simply prompt LLMs to "be conscientious about this, and that will generally profoundly increase conscientiousness", so until we have robust conscientious AI agent systems, it's load-bearing infrastructure to index more on the words straightforwardly associated with the critical properties that we care about)) makes it easy to keep undue moral hazard at bay). like _If you take unusually large personal risk in pursuit of a genuine public good, and you do it competently and in good faith, the world will not let you fall completely through the cracks._
- moving towards indexing all differentiated affordances (auto-taxonimization!) and just building multi-party, differential privacy, canonical judgement systems
- just do the ~Analytic Network Process really well and compile high level cognitive work to atomic structured judgements, often just sorting things with many independent provenanced LLM structured judgements in order to get meaningful cardinal latents with measured uncertainty
- gold and ways of making sure great existential philanthropy definitely happens that's not conditional on the affluent EA-adjacent powers making wise judgement calls.
- efficient LLM "registers" and the need for better register/social-context tracking, which is partially key for "unflattening" things and the natural pressures towards overly homogenous social reality
- felt safety maxxing. violence really begets violence. a lot of bad things can start multiplying if people start using abliterated agents to target each other. ultimately some folks should take responsibility for strategically helping make sure people don't crash out in devastating ways
- endless focus on the unsexy basics. like healthy diet just COMPOUNDS. retatrutide is generally fucking amazing aside from still necessarily unknown off-target risk. NAD+ and OOD physically energetic days UNBLOCKS people out of local minima swamps. help high leverage people bryan-johnson-maxx. provide ergonomic HBOT for serious contributors. run experiments giving a bit of an abundance mindset, like compute+food stipends people have to use or lose.
- more regranting, more retroactive funding, slightly more ceremony but not in an overly rationalist way.
- more OOD somatic-epistemic experiences for people. great/peak experiences unlock so much potential, it's almost like multiplicative, how much more impactful bandwidth people gain. people just need room to play and unclench and get comfortable living in more registers.
- try to experiment with at least some temporary differentiated attunement for some autistic folks. maybe someone who just really listens + $30k cash + some sort of cultural affordances that people can get some hugs, can seriously unblock some people with some really great ideas. and we can definitely capture and index these ideas with structure judgements and private computation..
- novel prior elicitation systems. I should really be able to communicate how important, e.g., it is that I get a nice van soon for that singularity dynamism. I should be able to communicate the preference in an abstract sense, in a very visceral sense, and the ugly nature of how close but hard it is to find the clean win here given unique circumstances.
- the need for really special physical locations and norms for the right kinds of existential serious energy to be cultivated
self modifying for x-risk — by early 2024 I decided that I needed to live so as to realize most of my expected impact…
- by early 2024 I decided that I needed to live so as to realize most of my expected impact on AI x-risk by the end of 2026, because after that, AI outcomes would be presumed to be largely locked in. And maybe that wouldn't be the median case, but as an uncommonly strategic strong longtermist, I had to be strong enough to worry about say, that 10-20% of early tail outcomes. In August 2024 I was facing the tough reality that I just didn't seem productive enough to reliably realize a significant fraction of my potential impact (e.g. I could not build my startup software fast enough, my nuclear alignment continuity work was not going anywhere). There was this old silly problem of "emotions" plaguing me--if only there was a pill to just magically make all your inner gunk go away (now I understand to be a very naive view of how things work). I was trying somatic therapy and was making some progress but had to accept that it just wasn't reliably working fast enough, and that something drastic would have to happen. Women tend to process their emotions better, so yeah I figured I could try estrogen, maybe 20% chance I like it and want to stay on it long term, but I figured there was a decent chance I could take it for 3-5 months and cry out lots of debilitating suppressed grief and then go back to testosterone dominance. So yeah I started estrogen in OCT 2024, and immediately got so much more than I bargained for, and haven't wanted to go back, although I have experimented a bit with exogenous testosterone. I don't know about gender identity, but I know that I deeply love dropping into my body and relating to the world with less armor. The old scripts I was being run by just weren't actually a decent fit for the world I found myself in, so I've faced a lot of ego death and have been finding increasing lightness and wellbeing in daily life.
software is such a superpower it's ridiculous.
if you can actually instantiate the right structures that outsizedly tame entropy and empower people, you can be more valuable than a Jedi or Guild Navigator.— @XyraSinclair, x.com
so want to make an embroidered jacket to signal what I am about…
so want to make an embroidered jacket to signal what I am about. like a varsity or motorcycle jacket but my own style. Existential Command big on the back, smol/cute/bi/poly on the sleeve, Rust logo, a diving helmet, triathlon symbol, US Army seal, etc. Like tattoos but way louder and more fearless— @XyraSinclair, x.com
describing one's everchanging self to a wide variety of very real people and potential collaborators (and now highly evaluative agents!) is a canonically tricky task. Even if one can genuinely thrive in many of the different cultures of viewers, the cultures have mutually exclusive tastes, and one must pick a poison that will invariably contribute to playing a nontrivial role in deciding fate! furthermore, how we even think about ourselves is incredibly psychoactive. may we all have a marginally easier job healthily conveying what is true about ourselves online.